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The Invisibility Cloak
"She stood in front of the mirror and brushed her hair. She sighed. It wasn't that she was unhappy about the way she looked; it was more the thought that one one would even notice that bothered her.
She often felt as if she was wearing an invisibility cloak. She was average and lately was feeling very forgettable. Every once and a while she's see on Facebook someone's status saying how much they had with their friends. The sinking feeling of reading that came with the realization that she hadn't been invited.
She worried that she was "that girl". The one in every group that everyone just put up with. She worried that no one really wanted to be around her, feeling they just wanted to be nice and patronize her. Almost as if she was the annoying litter sister that wouldn't go away. She hoped she wasn't annoying and was very guarded about what she said and did.
She didn't talk much, observed mostly, and when she would have dinner with them, she wouldn't eat much. She was not the type to "watch her weight" or diet. She didn't eat because she was uncomfortable. She didn't want to do something stupid to embarrass herself or the people she was with. Every action and word was carefully thought out before done and as she did them it was as if she was observing herself.
She had a hard time talking with them. She enjoyed being around them, some more than others. She didn't like talking about herself, feeling that she didn't think people would be interested or they'd feel bad for her. When asked about her day, she'd give the standard "it was okay". Even if it had been awful, she would have given that response; she didn't want others to feel like she was complaining or trying to get pity.
She would dress nicely on nights she was with them; hoping to draw some attention but not fishing for compliments; the compliments made her feel awkward.
She wanted so much to be noticed.
She knew it was wrong to have all these feelings but the perpetual feeling of being overlooked nagged at her. She even felt when she called her mom that her mom would rather be doing something else. She'd rather talk and complain about her sisters than talk to her. She felt as if she was more of her mom's psychologist than her daughter. She didn't want that, not at all.
She always joked that being the middle child meant the other two were more important. The oldest was the first to accomplish something and the youngest was the baby. Being in a family with a needy youngest and a just as needy oldest left her trying not to be a burden. She'd never ask for money, that was the oldest's job, and she'd rarely talk about her feelings and emotions, they had enough of that with the youngest.
She knew the feelings of being invisible and unimportant were lies. Something the devil was telling her to make her depressed. Lately though, it felt like the devil was accomplishing his goal. She was depressed, she rarely felt as if she was good enough.
The funny thing is, no one would ever know. She could be a very good actress and put on a very convincing mask.
She had to keep repeating to herself that God finds her important and God approves of her but it didn't feel like enough. She wanted the human touch. She would pray that God would be more than enough for her. Every once in awhile she'd have these "God moments" where the realization would hit her that she is important enough for God to give his Son for her and that God found joy in her. She'd smile and feel better.
Today, she still struggles with feeling inadequate and at times it feels so overwhelming that she doesn't want to get out of bed but knows that her story will have a happy ending. She doesn't know what will happen but knows that one day everything will be better. She may never get the attention she desires from people but knows that she has God's undivided, everlasting attention. She knows the feelings are lies and can't wait to one day shove them in Satan's face. She knows that God has placed these people in her life for a reason and knows that they are blessings. She knows that God gave her her best friend to keep her sane and to show her what a true friend is like. She praises God for them. She still has bad days and feelings of dread but knows good days are coming and longs for the day she can be free"
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